Please, Tell Your Laurels (Part One)

I have to start this out with one incredibly vital point.

I loved and adored every one of my Young Women’s leaders. This post is not an attack on their teachings or advice. I know they left parts of their hearts and souls on the table when they taught on Sunday. I am so thankful for their examples. 

This is for every Laurel-aged girl who needs to hear what I needed to hear, from someone who knew exactly what I was going through. 

I’m a 20-year-old Church Education System college student. When I was sixteen, I saw myself doing exactly what I’m doing now; college, dating, roommates, great job, my own car. It’s great! It really is.

But when I was sixteen and making my perfect life-plan, I didn’t plan for the speed-bumps that I’ve run into. Most of mine have come from dating silly boys, spending my time unwisely, and just not knowing. 

So here’s some advice from someone who truly has been there. Please, listen.

1. You are not already-chewed gum. 

If anyone ever says that to you, I want you to completely ignore it. The atonement of Jesus Christ is real and no matter what you have done, it is for you. The point of this life is to come closer to our Savior and Father. The only way to do that is to use the atonement. 

In no way, shape or form are you someone’s already-chewed anything. You are light and life and love. You are a glorious mixture of Heavenly Father, Heavenly Mother, your earthly father, and your earthly mother. All have given you important and sacred traits. Use them wisely. But never, under any circumstances, let anyone tell you that you are less. Because dear, you are worth more than you even know.

Let Christ in. Let His love fill you up and make you whole. Let Him help you. I promise if you do, the changes in your life will astound you.

2. Understand why God gave us the ability to procreate. 

Let’s talk about marital intimacy. Before you start squirming in your seats or sing “I Am a Child of God” to yourself, let me explain something.

In Genesis 4:1 it says “And Adam knew Eve his wife; and she conceived, and bare Cain, and said, I have gotten a man from the Lord” (Emphasis added).

Girls, use those wonderful brains of yours and tell me, what is God trying to tell us with the word “know?” Marital intimacy has been alive and well since the literal beginning of man. God started us out on the right foot by giving us urges and desires to accompany our earthly life. Because of those mortal yearnings, we can make babies. Why then, is “sex” thought of the way it is?

Heavenly Father sure isn’t giving us that idea! He’s commanded us to cleave unto our spouses and no one else. We’ve been told to procreate. So where in the word is the stigma of sex coming from?

My dear friends, sexual intimacy, the binding power that belongs between a husband and wife, is “bad” because the adversary has made it so. It makes sense that Satan would attack the authentic, God-given gift we have to multiply and replenish the earth with because when we are using that power correctly, we are living the pattern of heaven.

Why do you think the power to continuously procreate is reserved for the highest degree of the highest kingdom of Glory? That power goes to the righteous of heart, who were good stewards of their time on earth.

Do you realize the magnitude of that, sisters? You have, right now in your body, the power of God. It is not dirty. It is not wrong. It is not to be taken lightly. It is sacred. 

Know this. The media has twisted our views and perceptions on intimacy. We see crass images and vulgar words that depict a casualness our spirits know to be false. God did not ever intend for His extraordinary daughters to view their power to create and bear children as anything but what it is; glorious. 

Use that power wisely. Take heed to prophet’s warnings and listen to God’s voice. I promise you, when you’re ready to take that step into marriage and begin your family, the power of this gift will be testified unto you.

3. Your worth does not depend on a mission, engagement, or a 4.0. 

You will graduate high school. You will (hopefully) go to some sort of college or higher-level education facility. Some of your friends will go on missions. Some will get married. Maybe you know a mission is right for you, or that the guy you’ve been dating would make a fantastic eternal companion. Or maybe you don’t. 

Please. Please. Please. Just like you are not to let anyone tell you you’re chewed gum, do not let anyone make you feel like your worth is dependent upon any worldly condition. 

Missions are GREAT. I LOVE MISSIONS.

Marriage is GREAT. I LOVE MARRIAGE.

Straight A’s are GREAT. I LOVE THEM.

But. I also love you. And because I love you, I need you to know that if any one of those things doesn’t happen for you, or if NONE of them happen for you, it is okay. You still matter. Just breathe. 

There is nothing in this whole world that is more important than your relationship with your Father in Heaven and His son, Jesus Christ. Nurture those relationships. Put yourself in situations where the spirit can accompany you, so that you can make wise choices that will draw you nearer to Them. Don’t let people around you tell you that if you do this, then you’ll be worth something.

You are already worth everything. If a mission is something that will draw you nearer to your Savior and your God, then do it. If marriage will, then do that. If working hard to get good grades does that, then please, go right ahead.

But if these things don’t happen for you when they are happening for your friends, remember that Jesus atoned for you, too. 

He didn’t compartmentalize anyone. Your married friends are not on the “To Be Save First,” list. Nether are those of them who have High Honors in school. Your salvation is dependent upon what you do with your time.

4. Understand what a healthy relationship looks like. 

So remember that one Nicholas Sparks movie where the guy and girl like, fall in love at first sight? And remember the part where they unhealthily prioritized their time and skipped over vital red flags that were screaming “THIS IS NOT A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP. STOP. GO BACK NOW!” Or, the time where they went way too far physically and confused the natural and very real chemicals that come with sexual intercourse with “true love?”

Yeah. So do I.

Dear, that is not real. 

It’s like the difference between vinyl and digital music (by the way, if you don’t know what vinyl is, don’t tell me because I will cry sad tears for your soul).

When Compact Disc’s (CD’s) started getting really popular, the authentic and “old time-y” vinyl sound went away. People became obsessed with this new, synthesized, almost-too-perfect-and-way-too-unattainable-sound. (Thanks T-Pain. Your auto-tune killed the moment.)

We can relate unhealthy relationships to CD’s; pretty and shiny to look at, but almost uncomfortably fake, and recognizably impossible to copy. An unhealthy relationship is one where one or more of the participants feel the need to put on a show for others. Anything in a relationship that is not genuine is not good. You should be able to show your true colors to someone without fear of it being too much, or not enough. Unrealistic, or “plastic” expectations will leave you wanting every time.

Don’t fret either, because there are such things as “vinyl relationships,” or healthy ones. The greatest thing about vinyl is that it really makes you part of the moment. You can hear the bass player plug in his amp, or the guy in the back shuffling through his pockets for his pick. You hear the breaths and sneezes, coughs and laughs. Those real, genuine, healthy relationships, where you are both aware of one another’s flaws but are working together to be whole, those are the relationships that will last. 

Be aware that both girls and boys your age are still developing. Like, legitimately, your brain isn’t done growing. You literally do not have a whole brain. So maybe it would be wise to not make hasty decisions when you’re not at full-power? There’s a reason adults are able to think things through differently than young-adults; they have a whole brain to do it with!

Remember that you are so loved and so important. God is only as far away as you make Him, and the atonement is real. Let the Spirit prompt you and trust that God has your best interests at heart, because He really does.

Also, keep your eyes peeled for Part Two. Because it’s coming.

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63 thoughts on “Please, Tell Your Laurels (Part One)

  1. Emily! Wow! I loved this post so much. Insightful and kind, and how do you know all this wise stuff and you’re still so young?
    Love you,
    L Embree

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    1. Thank you Emily! I’m a bishop and what you share will be a really testimony for not only our laurels but also for our single young adults and our single adults. I’m going to share this with all of them as soon as possible. Thank you very much! God bless you!

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  2. This is amazing!! I was the YW president in my Ward for four years and this is what I tried so hard to help my Laurels understand. Every girl should read this post. If only they could all grab a hold of what you have said and believe it! You are so awesome for sharing this! As a mother of a teenage girl– thank you! I don’t know you but I love you!! You my dear, will make an amazing YW Leader some day! Good luck to you in all you do!

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  3. What a wonderful piece of information I hope all young women will read it, and that they will remember the cover ants they made at baptism help them know how special they are to Our Heavenly Father, and Our Savior Jesus Christ. And that Heavenly Father knows all his children by name, and that the Holy Ghost knows the truth of all things, so young women and young men listen to those promptings, they will keep you safe.

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  4. Okay, Okay okay… I have been saying this since I was a teenager and first heard it back in the early 80s. And it wasn’t something only said to young women, either. With me it was the “toast with the jam licked off”. What a crock! It’s not the gospel! It never came out of a teaching manual, and it sure is heck isn’t in the scriptures. The very idea of comparing someone to toast with the jam lapped up, or already chewed gum is contrary to the most precious principles of the gospel. Those goofy analogies do not come from the Scriptures. The truth is, repentance brings forgiveness. Christ’s atonement heals completely. The repentant have the wisdom to know better next time, but there’s no lasting grief. How can we be happy if we’re bogged down by grief of previous indiscretions?! When the Lord cleans you, you’re clean.
    I’ve heard it from more than one well meaning teacher at church, but it simply wasn’t from the scriptures.
    This is a gospel of hope, and the Lord loves us more than we can even comprehend. No one is probably more upset than our Father in Heaven is when some young soul feels like they’re lost forever, and they heard it from a teacher.

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  5. I really enjoyed your advice and outlook in the above article, I really wish I was told this in young womens… There is one part that I personally had an issue with though. When you spoke about procreation, it’s purpose, and meaning. I am now almost 29 years old and am unable to conceive. I have been married 4 years to my wonderful adoring husband and have not been able (and am told that chances are slim) to be pregnant. I’m wondering what you would tell other women who have this issue as well? I know I have had a hard time finding reasoning since I cannot accomplish procreation. If you have any advice please please tell. Thank you for your time.

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    1. Dear Wyndy,
      As someone who went through what you are going through, please let me share a little of my life’s experiences. At 29 years of age, I got married to the most wonderful man I had ever met. We tried for about 8 years unsuccessfully to conceive and have children. I hated every comforting word that was spoken to me, whether it was in Church, by family, friends, physicians. I got to the point where I wanted to scream at every person who told me I would have children in the next life. I didn’t care about that, I wanted children now! It was all I had ever wanted, and I literally planned my life around being a mother. Unfortunately, I never did have children. My husband didn’t want to adopt. I cried more tears than I could ever express to you. There was no peace to be found in the comfort that others wanted desperately to give me, but I did find peace Wyndy, and it was in the answers to my prayers from a loving Father in Heaven. Maybe that sounds trite or anti-climactic, but for me it was all-encompassing, and Heavenly Father did give me opportunities to mother during my life. Even now I have the privilege of having two beautiful children in my life who love me as their “other mother,” and the joy I feel with them is amazing and marvelous. I don’t pretend to know what comfort Heavenly Father has in mind for you, but He will not leave you comfortless. I am 62 years old now and should be enjoying the life of a grandmother, but I wouldn’t trade the children with whom I share my life for anything. We share a very special love. We gave ourselves to each other and our happiness is full. My prayers are sincerely with you.

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    2. Do not let anyone make you feel like your worth is dependent upon any worldly condition. (Anyone including yourself)
      She said it already. Just digging it out for you.

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      1. My daughter has a problem with not feeling of worth because no one in her Young Women’s group ever expressed acknowledgement or reached out in friendship to her. She found “friends” who are not of our faith who hurt her deeply. She has lost her faith and has left the church. It is almost impossible for a young woman to value herself if she feels like there is something wrong with her since no one gives a crap. Why are LDS young women so clicky?? Why don’t they reach out of their bubble and help a floundering soul as the Savior reached out? If they did, we would not be losing 70% of our youth. It is all about friendship and fitting in at this age, not just boys and the law of chastity. If a young woman feels like she belongs, she will have a sense of purpose and be strong. If she has no one but the Lord, sadly that is not enough if she has not yet learned to understand answers to prayers and develop a relationship with Heavenly Father. We have churches to strengthen and support one another. If this is not happening, it is failing in it’s purpose. 😦

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    3. I am so sorry you have been given this burden. I know how hard it is to carry. I know how hard it is to attend sacrament meeting on fast Sunday in a ward with four nurseries and another baby or two being given a name and blessing every. Single. Month. I also know, however, that Heavenly Father loves you, and will bless you in ways both recognized and unseen. As a mother of five boys after two eight-year seasons of infertility, I also know how much appreciated and yes, loved, you are by those mothers who you lend a hand to during those same meetings so they can leave the bench with one child, knowing the others will be watched over in her absence. I know how much the precious little sunbeams love their primary mommy, who holds them and loves them as her own when she has none at home. I know how much those crazy little cub scouts love their den mother, who has time for them always and a place for them in her home. I know how an empty lap hurts, but also how working or volunteering at the neighborhood school helps full the emptiness. I know the preciousness of a misspelled note from someone else’s child, saying thank you for helping me with my math. My advice would be to fill your life with these good things, always giving thanks for the blessings you have, I know the Savior knows you, loves you, and will not leave you comfortless, as He is the only man ever who knows your pain. May God bless you as you bless others, and may your heart be filled with His comfort and love, would be my wish for you. I know it’s hard, but I also know you can do hard things.

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    4. I understand where you are coming from. I didn’t think I would ever have a baby or a husband. Th ere are many, many worthy young and more mature women out there who are on the correct path who haven’t, and may never get married. Their hearts ache, not only to hold a precious child in their arms, but to be loved and sealed to a worthy loving husband.
      Finally at the age of 37, I met a good man, was married, and had a baby girl. That baby girl is now 16 and the se are the things I am trying to teach her. TRUST IN HEAVENLY FATHER, whatever he has in store for you. You have more value as an individual than you can possibly understand right now. You are his little girl, he loves you, and wants you to return to him.
      Don’t let Satan convince you that you are worthless. He is lying. Do your very best, wherever you are at in life and trust in the Lord.

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    5. Wyndy, I don’t know if you’ll read this because of how long ago you posted this comment, but I just wanted you to know that you are not alone. My husband and I have been married for over eleven years with no children. People will judge you unighteously, give unwanted and uncomfortable “advice” on this sensitive topic, and are generally ignorant. Sexual relations in marriage is not solely for the purpose of procreation. If this were the case, people who get older would stop enjoying it, and that’s not the case. Physical intimacy in marriage strengthens your bonds because it is something special you only do with your spouse. Do not feel guilty for enjoying sex with your eternal companion. It helps keep you together.

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    6. I had a YW leader that struggled with infertility. She talked many times about it with us and her feelings. Her testimony carried me thru many hard times. In fact when I struggled with infertility many years later her words helped me immensely. I think as young women (and older women:) we think “If I could just get thru this trial, then life will be so much easier.” Knowing of her immense struggles as a YW helped me to realize I wasn’t alone in life’s trials. Everyone’s come in different shapes and sizes, just like us and sometimes as YW, we think of this “happily ever after”, after high school. She helped me realize our happily ever after will not be what we dream it is, but it is what our Heavenly Father dreams for us. It will be so much better, and having faith in our trials, will help us to become better.

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  6. this is well said! Will you address about getting married and getting sealed a year after. There is SO much stigma to this. I don’t think you should make sacred convents if your not ready. My daughter married a man that was baptized at 8, but wasn’t taught the gospel in the home and they didn’t go to church. He wasn’t ready to get sealed. They took classes, had scripture study, had s kind and supportive bishop that prepared them to be sealed. Now 10 years later they at worthy temple recommend holders active members in their ward but more importantly in their home. (Their 3 yet old can recite the articles of faith ) Sadly there are unthoughtful people that say hurtful things about their decision to wait to be sealed

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    1. Kathleen, the author is a 20 year old young adult. Why do you care about her opinion any more than that of those who have judged your daughter? You seem to already know that their decision to wait to go to the temple was right for them. It really isn’t for anyone else to judge, whether in favor of or against. No matter what this young author’s opinion is, it doesn’t matter because what is done is done, and it’s of no one else’s concern anyway. Be happy that your daughter and her husband made it to the temple. Be proud of her even. But don’t be concerned with anyone else’s opinions. It is only between them and the Lord.

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    2. Kathleen,
      I am so glad that things worked out the way they did for your daughter and son-in-law. Being ready to take on those covenants and be sealed for eternity is one I very much believe in, and I see no reasoning that yur children did the right thing for them. Not knowing their age at the time of marriage, I can only go off of my own experiences. My husband and I were married young. I was 18, he was 19. Due to some choices we’d made early on in our dating relationship, we had to work really hard to become worthy to be sealed in the temple, and we did it. My parents have never been very active in the church, in fact, my dad isn’t even a member. They made it very clear that they didn’t agree with our choice to be married and sealed in the temple, where my dad couldn’t attend the wedding. This was so hard for me to cope with as my then fiancé and I had worked so long and hard to be worthy to do so. That being said, I personally feel much of the feeling about being married civilly falls under the “just to be married” premise. This give them free range so to speak and they can “deal with the rest of it later”. If a couple chooses to be married civilly and then sealed a year later, I feel it needs to be done for the right reasons. That is not to say that civil marriages are bad or should be frowned upon, because that is the farthest thing from what I am trying to say! I guess, to make a long story longer, I’m saying temple marriage needs to be encouraged and prioritized. If it is a possibility, there is no need to hold off on the sealing until later. I commend your children for their choices! Clearly it was the right one! And congratulations on their daughter reciting the AoF! I can’t even get my 3yo to sit still for one short chapter of the BoM! 🙂

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      1. Yes temple marriage needs to be a priority but it should be more on being prepared for those covenants rather than I was sealed in the temple not a civil first. Many locations in the world couples are required to have a civil marriage first, some need to because of location, and some make the choice to save the tender feelings of families. A couple maybe temple worthy but they may not be temple ready. There is a big difference and if we as members of the Church would focus on temple ready more than temple worthy we may have more marriages that don’t fail, stronger families, and more that love the temple ordinances. I have a child who was more ready for the temple at 18 than she was at 22 when she got married. 6 months later she was teme ready as well as temple worthy and they were sealed at the year mark after their marriage. Yes I would have perfered her to be sealed first, but in the eternal perspective it ultimately did not matter. The end goal is what is important not the when.

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    3. My husband and I were inactive when we met and married. I am so grateful for the five years we took making sure we were ready to fully commit to the sacred covenants we were making with our Father in Heaven. He is the only one your daughter and son-in-law need to concern themselves with. The world and its time are not the Lords time.

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  7. THANK YOU! This definitely needs to be told to all of those girls. Thank you for putting into words what I was not able to. Can’t wait for part two!

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  8. I understand the problems with the chewed gum analogy, but I fear that often in trying to warn against it people can go too far in the other direction and create the impression that if you repent than there are absolutely no consequences. The message that the atonement is there to for those who have slipped up is very important, but so is the message that it is always better to have not sinned in the first place than to sin and then repent.

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    1. You can’t teach the truth using false doctrine. Those analogies are wrong and have absolutely no place in the Church. Just teach the commandments in the pure form from the scriptures and use the teachings of modern prophets. The philosophies of the world have no place, no mater how well intended they are.

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      1. Bravo, LV640. Well said. I hate that we have become a culture that teaches the gospel from a place of fear. We fear that they will make a mistake, so we do all we can think of to prevent it. Guess what? Mistakes happen. And we need to be more humble and understand that we are all sinners. We need to love. Always love. No more fear. Perfect love casteth out fear. It has NO place in the gospel of Christ.

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      2. No one ever said that we don’t have consequences for sin. But the atonement really does clean us completely. Do you understand that if you teach young women about the law of chastity and anchor it to anything other than the atonement, that her worth will be wrapped up in something that isn’t real? And Satan will have more control. When you teach girls with false analogies like this, then after the first time an intimate moment goes too far, she will listen to the voice of Satan and believe it, as he whispers in her ear, “No one will ever want you. You are already lost. You might as well go all the way. You are already chewed up gum.” And what could have been an easier road back becomes a harder road back and she loses sight of who she really is.

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      3. Rochelle, repentance cleans us completely of all eternal consequences. It cleans off the stain of sin and removes the guilt and shame, but the mortal consequences remain. Repentance won’t make a girl un-pregnant, cure an STD, eliminate that awkward confession to a spouse or future spouse about your past, or with their kids if they ask if they kept the LoC as they are asking them to. There will always be a level of regret for having done it since there is no true repentance without that.

        I fully agree that the chewed gum analogy is wrong and harmful, but if you give them the impression that sinning then repenting leaves you the same as if you never sinned in every way, you are also misleading them. Obedience is ALWAYS the better choice. The consequences of sin and blessings of obedience need to be as clear as the power of the atonement, otherwise there is an imbalance.

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      4. I don’t disagree with that at all. Of course there are consequences. But if you teach the law of chastity from a place of shame, guilt and fear, you will lose more kids and damage them for the future. That is just the truth of it. No one here is pretending there aren’t consequences for sin. But chewing gum, nails in a board, all these analogies are harmful. The scriptures, the atonement, real doctrine. That is what should be taught. Bottom line.

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    2. As someone who has made a lot of mistakes but is now an active endowed member, I can speak to this. Hopefully you’ll hear it with the respect intended with regards to your concern. Yes, we should always teach about the pain that these choices bring; however, helping our youth to understand the pain caused by grievous sin is so vastly different from helping them to understand their worth as sons & daughters of God. If our youth truly understand the love of the Savior & our Heavenly Father which lead to the Atonement in the beginning, those mistakes are less likely to be made. They will know they are ALWAYS loved, and they can ALWAYS return. They will not need to seek that “love” elsewhere. Please, teach ways to avoid falling into those traps and why that is so important. But above all, they need to know they are loved. The chewing gum analogy (which I fortunately was never taught) states adamantly that God cannot redeem His children. Nothing could be further from the truth, & nothing could be more vital for them to know. No matter how much we do or say to avoid sexual sin or even how successful we are in that area, our youth will sin in many various ways. And they will need to know that they can always repent & are so very deeply loved, no matter how flawed they may be.

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      1. MARY. As the author of this blog post, I have read a million and a half angry Latter-Day Saints telling me that I was too lax. You have explained perfectly what my heart tried to write. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Keep fighting the good fight.

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  9. Hi there! 😊
    Thank you so much for the words you have shared. Indeed it has been crazy to have our girls in the right track. Right now we have a 16 year old in my ward which is pregnant and it is so hard to keep these girls safe and make them understand how special and unic they are.
    I tottaly agree with you that it is important to make across that our Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ love them and so do we.
    Take care and I will be waiting for part 2! 😉

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  10. This is truth and wisdom. I know what I know. I know that our Savior loves us and that He and our Heavenly Father made a way for us to find joy in this life and forever. This article makes the Lord’s plan seem like we can make it back because we really can. I love the truths explained so well in this magnificent article.

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  11. Great comments!!! When I was a Young Woman, they called it “being a sqeezed tomato”, but they never presented it as that is what I would be, they presented that that is how guys would view me.. Years ago, after 2 short-lived marriages to non-members, I went on a road trip with friends to Utah for the first time. We went to a YSA dance in either Provo or Salt Lake. I was dancing with this one guy for several dances. His friends all raised their eyebrows to say “You have a really cute one”. During one dance, I mentioned that I had been married before. That’s it, he could not get off the dance floor fast enough!!! Yup, squeezed tomato. I know that I am HF’s precious & beloved daughter but guys don’t see that. They want a perfect girl who has lived a perfect life. I am now 62 & no longer married to my abusive elder of Israel, have 7 children & 12 grands. Yes, I would love to be married, but I am not desperate because I know who I am.

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  12. Thank you…these all things I tried to teach not only my two daughters but also my sons.
    Heavenly Father loves us. He desires for us to live with Him again after mortality. Repentance isn’t easy, but it is worth it. Our Savior and Redeemer has already paid the price. Please use it to be prepared to live again with Heavenly Father.

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  13. As a father on a pre-teen girl this is beautiful advise that I will keep for her to ready when she is older. Thank you so much for writing this. I am keen to see your next piece

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  14. This was a decent article (coming from a father of 4), but your Point 2, could use some work. I had to read it three times to get what you are trying to say and even then, a sentence like this one still just makes no sense: “My dear friends, sexual intimacy, the binding power that belongs between a husband and wife, is “bad” because the adversary has made it so. ”

    The whole section needs hope sorry to say. This comment at the start was what really confused me: “Why then, is “sex” thought of the way it is?” Instead of making it sound like EVERYONE believes that way, it would have been better to say Why then, is “sex” thought of the way it is by so many people? – because I sure don’t think of it the way you are portraying – nor do my daughters who are 13, 16, and 18.

    Just a few thoughts.
    Darryl

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  15. I enjoyed this article, but I think you forgot one huge important recommendation and that is for young women to actively pursue and attain an education! I teach right now for BYU-Idaho and sometimes teach Pathways courses! I see too many divorced moms with five kids coming back to school because they have to provide for their families! Something so crucial in this day and age!

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  16. While I appreciate what you are trying to articulate, point number 2 is off the mark. Not all women can or should have children. Women are not eternal baby making machines. That is not everlasting glory, nor a reward for women.
    Young women should be taught to be everything they desire to be. Young women are not responsible for the desires, wants or needs or anyone but themselves.
    Sexuality is a biological function of the human body. When discussed in that context, instead of the religious rhetoric, young women can make informed and intelligent decisions about their bodies, instead of shamed or guilted into compliance.

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  17. I loved the message and most of the comments. In reply to the few that criticized the chewing gum analogy- true, it is not in the scriptures, but it is a good description of the worldly reaction many YW receive. It has amazed me to hear guys say that they wanted a good clean girl to marry although before they “cleaned up”, they did their fair share of de-flowering a young woman in the name of their puppy love. While unfair, it is what many a girl experiences. For some reason many YM feel it the girl’s place to stop any sexual activity. It would be great if there was no double standard. More parents and leaders (and most do) should teach the YM that it is as much their responsibility. I understand if a guy has kept himself pure he would want a wife that has done likewise. However, I admired a YM whose response, after his sweetheart confessed she was not a virgin, was very Christlike. He asked “Have you repented?” His sweetheart, weeping, responded “yes”. He then said “Well The Lord has forgiven you and I don’t have a problem”. She loved him more for his compassion.
    This author has the desire to encourage women and in the spirit of that desire, we may interpret it and share it however we deem appropriate.

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    1. Thank you for posting this. It is not false doctrine to say that some people look at others less because of problems they have had in their past. It wasn’t coming across to me as being taught from a stand of guilt or fear either. It was simple truth, and that is always best. People judge often by the ways that they want to be rather than the ways that they are. It’s part of being human. -_^

      I am going to have my daughter read this so that she can see that someone else thinks the same things as I do. That she is worth everything to my wife and I. She can always use some more positive reinforcement… everyone can.

      The thing that I liked most about this article is that it can be applied to anyone anywhere with only a couple of small changes for the boys. We are all worth every effort needed to keep us moving forward towards our eternal goals.

      Thank you very much for the thoughts, time, and effort that writing this took. I look forward to part 2!
      8′)

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  18. I hope that many of the young woman of The Church and not of The Church read this message it is powerful and so true. This is everything a mother tries to tell her children but they don’t hear or understand it at the time. Besides we all thought our moms were just a bunch of old ninnies at that age. Please share and pass this message along to any young woman you know. It just might make a difference in there lives

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  19. Reblogged this on Mormon Nudges and commented:
    Great little article that someone shared on Facebook this week, though it was written in the summer 2015.

    As someone that didn’t follow a path that was typical to many LDS young women, I appreciate the insights this woman in her 20s provides. I should probably now write one the adds to this the insights of a woman in her 40s looking back.

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  20. Love the article, but what drew me to the page is seeing David Bowman’s image. You see, my husband is an artist and we have a wonderful circle of artist friends, and we look out for each other. If you are going to use an image, first of all it is much appreciated to get that artists permission, but at the very least, you include the artists name and the image title if possible. Artist depend on people knowing their work to make a living. I’m not just talking about this piece, I know it happens all the time… but if I can educate people to what is the right way to share images I know it will also help my own husbands hard work be recognized. Thanks…

    Like

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