You’re Important to Your Family

Homeostatic Mechanisms. Exactly what you wanted to read about, right?

While more commonly related to things your body does to maintain regulation and balance, homeostatic mechanisms are much broader than that. In a grand sense, you yourself are a homeostatic mechanism.

To be one is really easy. All you have to do is maintain things functioning the way they need to.

When you start sweating at the gym, that’s a mechanism of your body trying to cool down. When you push a button on the elevator, that’s a mechanism of the elevators proper operation. When you go to work/school and are an active member of your surroundings, you yourself are a mechanism of growth, work, and sustainability.

That’s why sick days are so tricky. If you weren’t a mechanism for support, then your absence wouldn’t matter.

But you are a mechanism for support. 

This idea that you’re a moving, working part of life that can contribute and learn extends to your family. Whether you were the peace keeper, the adventurer, the rebellious one, the tidy one, or the stubborn one, you mattered. You still matter.

In Family Science, there are theories to explain how, and why, this thing called “family” works. One of the best and most widely known theories is The Family Systems Theory.

It’s the idea that the whole is larger than the sum of its parts. However, when its parts aren’t working, it can’t work properly. This explains the real reason for the phrase “When mom’s not happy, nobody’s happy.” It isn’t because dad is a dork or you forgot your chores; it’s because a part of your family system is off. Therefore, the whole system is down.

It also explains why there are some family rules that are never discussed, but that we just know. For example, maybe dad always sits next to mom at the table, or you have certain stories you know not to tell others. As a member of something larger than yourself, your instinct will be to protect and preserve it. If that means sitting somewhere else, you’re going to sit somewhere else.

So I promise you, you aren’t invisible. You’re an important member of your family with special roles only you can play. You can’t do what your sister does because you aren’t your sister. If your brother is the smart one, then you be the adventurous one, or the entertainer.

Please take special care to remember that sometimes, when parts of our whole aren’t working correctly, they need support. We all need to be needed. So when a family member is hurting, take that as your cue to be needed. Help them in whatever way you can and take faith that someday, when you’re not okay, they’ll be there for you.


This is my homeostatic mechanism. We all play such unique and valuable roles that it’s impossible to imagine our lives without one another.

That is the real truth behind family. We know we won’t be whole unless we’re all together. It isn’t just love or attachment, but also a true desire to be one; to be whole.

Isn’t that important?